Understanding
by MutantNinjaPickle
Summary: There had been many things in Bella Swan's life that she didn't understand. Oneshot, J/B.


A/N: So, this is my first fanfiction, so play nice. I always wanted Jacob to end up with Bella, and I never liked Breaking Dawn, so here is the way I would have wanted it to turn out.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.

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When she was four, she didn't understand why the sky was blue, or why she was so much shorter than Allyson Maynard next door, who was five and had her very own puppy and went to school.

When she was six, she didn't understand why her mommy and daddy didn't live together, or why every time she asked somebody they told her she would understand when she was older.

When she was nine, she didn't understand why Ben Chasley and Gabriel Martinez teased her about her pale skin and frizzy hair everyday after school, or why Ben suddenly asked her to be his valentine.

When she was twelve, she didn't understand why her cheeks turned bright red whenever she passed Kyle Morrison in the hallways, or why he never returned any of her shy smiles.

When she was fourteen, she didn't understand why her mother was so much different than the mothers at her friends' houses or the ones on TV, or why she preferred to be at home than out with the girls who sat at her table in the cafeteria and who kept asking her when she was free.

When she was seventeen, she didn't understand why suddenly all she could think about was that perfect, mysterious Edward Cullen in biology, or why she couldn't think about anything when she was actually around him. She didn't understand why she had fallen in love (for she knew that this had to be love) with someone she hardly knew, or why this perfect, dazzling boy could want anything to do with someone like her. She didn't understand why he smelled so sweet or made her skin prickle or why the named "Edward Cullen" made her heart hurt and she liked it.

When she was eighteen, she didn't understand why the person who she had whispered sweet nothings to and who she had exchanged "I love you"s with could just leave her like he had, or why the world kept on turning even after it had obviously ended. She didn't understand why that strange, happy, ignorant boy had bothered trying to repair her broken soul, or why his efforts seemed to be working. She didn't understand why she went immediately back to Edward even after he had left her and Jacob had stayed, or why even when she had gotten her fairytale happy ending and the perfect man, she stopped liking the way his name made her heart feel and now it just hurt.

And now she sits on the floor with her perfect doll dress and her perfect doll face, about to walk down the aisle with the perfect bridesmaids to that perfect, dazzling boy who no longer smells sweet or makes her skin prickle, and she suddenly feels very out-of-place and doesn't understand why. She doesn't understand why she wishes those icy lips that gently press her rosy cheeks every night were the hot kisses of that strange, broken, matured boy who had bothered to repair her broken soul, or why she feels like she is lying when she says she doesn't love him "like that." She doesn't understand why she no longer feels at home in the Cullen house or at Charlie's either, or why the sweet nothings and the "I love you"s and the kisses and the name "Edward Cullen" don't seem to matter anymore. She doesn't understand why she suddenly feels very cold, or why she is hiding in the bathroom on her wedding night thinking about why her life doesn't make sense.

As she runs blindly through the trees, she doesn't understand why she isn't happy or in love or walking down that stupid aisle with a stupid smile on her doll face. She doesn't understand why her stomach churns whenever she remembers that earthy smell and that loving chuckle and those strong, warm hands that had beaten life back into her, or why she suddenly feels free when she throws the heavy engagement ring behind her shoulder and watches it disappear among the brush. She doesn't understand why it doesn't hurt her to know that Edward will die inside when he finds her missing, or why she didn't see this before.

And when she sees the familiar red paint and beats her small human fists against the door, she still doesn't understand but she doesn't care. She doesn't care that she promised her heart to a stone, or that she had just shattered the hearts of many others. She doesn't care that, when he finally opens the door and looks at her with those sad dark eyes, she is standing there on his porch with a tattered wedding gown and wild frizzy hair and tear-streaked cheeks and a ring-less finger. She doesn't care that she won't live forever or have a fairytale happy ending.

Because, if Bella Swan understands anything, she understands that this is what she wants. She understands that she was never really meant for that perfect, mysterious Edward Cullen from biology, and that she was foolish and young and thought she was in love. She understands that _her_ strange, beautiful, grown-up man smells just right and makes her flesh burn and the name "Jacob Black" makes her heart soar and she likes it. She understands that this is the place that feels like home, and that even though he may not be perfect or dazzling and he may not sparkle in the sun, he is still beautiful, with his shining dark eyes and long black hair and smooth skin and that smile that makes her knees crumple.

And when he laughs and scoops her up in his strong, warm hands and kisses her rosy human cheek and tells her that she is beautiful, Bella honey, she understands that she doesn't want a fairytale happy ending, because she doesn't want this to end at all.

A/N: R&R! =]


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